Almost FAS

Lebron James is an amazing basketball player. If he retired today, he would be a first ballot hall of famer. He has filled a stat sheet like nobody else, since Oscar Robertson. He can guard all five positions on the floor, and can play all five positions. He is a very cerebral player. Probably because of his gargantuan head!

Look at the size of this melon.

It's widely known that Mamma James loves to hit the bottle. She had a DUI in 2006, and while shit-faced last year, bitch slapped a valet for not getting her car quick enough. I'm thinking she drank just enough while pregnant with Lebron to boost that head size, while avoiding Full Tilt FAS.

The NBA has seen other Almost FAS players. My favorite is the former Duke flopper, Shelden Williams.

Even Lebron can't compete with this forehead.

Perhaps Shelden has a little too much FAS. It definitely appears he doesn't have the right mixture. It's clear that there is some research to be done. One theory I'd like to see researched asap is....

- Does Almost FAS make you a scared bitch? Even if you are almost 7 feet tall, and weigh about 275 lbs.

Every season it is the same routine, Lebaby craps his pants when the game is on the line. This year he is even doing it against the Pacers. Yes, the Pacers. Yes, the Pacers from Indiana. Oh man, that makes me laugh.

Since my wife loves wine so much, I think we may try to mix up just the right amount of alcohol abuse if she ever gets pregnant. I mean c'mon, with both our DNA plus boxed wine, we could make a super Lebron. The kind of Lebron that could actually win an NBA title and not piss his pants when the going gets tough.

Worst case scenario we get a little mongrel like Shelden. Even a mongrel can snag 5 rebounds, and warm the bench for an NBA team.

If all this is too much for you to ~~comprehend~~ entertain, here is another mystery.

This is Lebron's wife...