Porcelain Divorce

Today at work, I began my daily journey to find a suitable toilet.  Would I be able to settle with the 2nd floor conditions or journey in disgust to the the third floor for resolution?  Would it all be a waste, as I once again walked across the street to Wegmans for the most reliable environment?  This uncertainty followed by the confirmation that Wegmans was my best option.... reminded me of my relationship with the New York Mets.

Approximately 15 months ago I finally divorced the New York Mets.  It was your typical failed marriage, littered with shame and unfulfilled dreams.  As I gained the courage to sever all ties, I searched for another way to fill my heart.  The alternative was right under my nose for the past 12 years.  Fantasy Baseball.  162 stat filled games in 180 days.  Pure puddin lust.  Mmmmmm, yea, dirty stat filled thoughts.

I also walked away with a valuable life lesson.

 

If it smells like a Met,

lets you down like a Met,

chokes like a Met,

it's probably a Met.

The toilets at work have proven time and again they are the god damn Mets.  A daily serving of hope, consistently smeared with pubes and fecal matter.  As I again prepare to sever all ties, Wegmans has appeared, consistent and reliable, just like my first true love, the fantasy baseball season.